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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the height of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a significant other has only become more confounding – an commonly unsuccessful pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the phrases this generation is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who forgo having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to date a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {